


Unsteady

by crystalkilljoy



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Album), My Chemical Romance
Genre: Jet Star the mom, vague backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 05:13:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7671424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalkilljoy/pseuds/crystalkilljoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fun Ghoul struggles with his past and his trust issues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsteady

It hit him like a car. All of Fun Ghoul’s emotions came out in a second, leaving him staring blankly at the diner wall while Kobra Kid was complaining about his Power Pup. He was used to this emptiness, but it usually only happened when he was alone, or it was quiet. It had never happened when everyone was talking. Party Poison, who was sitting across from him, noticed this sudden change, but didn’t say anything. Jet Star also noticed and opened his mouth as if to say something, but stopped. They had seen Ghoul go through this before, it was almost impossible not to. The desert was full of ghosts, and they were all visible if you looked at Ghoul during his episodes. It was better for everyone if he recovered by himself. That’s what he tells them, at least.

So Ghoul sat there, finishing his can in silence, waiting for the rest of the Fabulous Four to be done so he could leave. The numbness began to be unbearable. The thoughts and memories washed through him, nothing holding them back. He struggled to stay put. Jet, watching him, stood up, and Ghoul saw that as a chance to bolt. Ghoul hated when his memories came up around the others, it made him vulnerable. They were allowed to know things, just not everything, and not while he was in this state. This state made him fragile. So he ran outside the diner, not bothering to look back. He had to get away, especially because it happened in front of his friends.

The sky grew darker as Ghoul ran past other buildings and ruins. Other killjoys had probably seen him, which urged him to run faster and farther. He had not bothered looking behind him to see if Jet, Party, or Kobra had followed. The sand underneath and in his shoes kept him grounded. It was the only thing keeping him sane, keeping him from drowning in nothing. The lack of anything was too much. It allowed for holes to appear in his walls, letting everything he hated run loose in his mind. Running from everything was exhausting, both physically and mentally. And Ghoul was tired of it. He was tired of running from Dracs, from his emotions, from his friends, from his past, from everything. So he stopped. And he stood still, taking in the satellites in the sky and the patchwork of buildings and cacti.

It was seconds before his thoughts overwhelmed him. It seemed that he had only left the city yesterday, everything was so fresh in his mind. It’s how it always went; Ghoul would feel nothing, then everything he didn’t want to feel. The smell of bleach and gasoline suffocated him. He fell to the ground, eyes clenched shut, hands making a fist around a clump of sand. Fun Ghoul held the sand and rocks as if his life depended on it, hoping it would anchor him to the desert. It was too much. This wave was stronger than any other he had previously had. It was different. It was as if every thought he had for the past month was replaced with his version of hell, and played all at once. The noise of silence was too loud. He must have looked insane, sitting there in the sand, eyes shut, hands in the sand, knees against his chest. He felt insane, too. Everything was out of his control, even his own mind.

Party Poison watched his friend as he approached. The air around Ghoul seemed emptier, and he could feel Ghoul’s struggle, as if it was too much and spilled out of him. Jet and Kobra were behind Party, and it had been decided that he would talk to Ghoul. They had only seen this happen to Ghoul when he was alone, and he had usually hidden himself in a room with a door or outside near a wall. Never like this. They all wondered if it was their fault, that they had caused this episode to mutate and grow into the monster Ghoul was fighting. Party approached slowly, as if the monster would lash out at any second, and put a hand on Fun Ghoul’s shoulder. Ghoul flinched, but still stared at the abyss they called a desert. Party sat next him, removing his hand from his shoulder. Ghoul’s arm moved slightly as he did this.

They sat in silence for a long time, Ghoul staring and fighting the wave of everything, and Party watching. In his eyes, Party could see that Ghoul was on the verge of breaking down. He could see that he hated this, and yet he was used to it. Party hated that he was used to this. No one should go through this hell alone, although everyone always did. The desert allowed everyone to be independent, from the laws and from other people. And Party hated it, even though he sometimes did it himself. So he broke the silence, and hopefully broke Ghoul’s train of thought.

“I’m sorry.” Ghoul jumped, wide eyes looking at his friend next to him, hands releasing the sand.

“What? What for?” Ghoul said, noticing the rest of the Fabulous Four a little ways behind him. He wrapped his arms around his legs.

“For your past, for dragging you into this mess, for following you. I don’t know, I’m just sorry.”

“Oh.” He was glad this episode had ended early, it was beginning to pass the stage of overwhelming and completely engulf him. His emotions were more fragile now, though, since they were no longer connected to anything.

“You wanna talk?” Ghoul pondered this question for a moment, then sighed. No, he didn’t want to talk, even though it would help him. He didn’t want to keep secrets anymore, but felt as if he had to to protect himself. From what, he had no idea. But Ghoul didn’t want to risk it. Party saw this, and watched as Ghoul’s expression changed from lost to lonely. So he hugged him. It was stupid, but he didn’t know what else to do.

Ghoul was still thinking about the question, and Party’s act surprised him. So he let it all out. He let the walls flood and collapse and let out all the anger, sadness, confusion, isolation, and hatred he had just felt. And in Party’s arms, he cried. Party held him as Ghoul was vulnerable, and let the tears run down his jacket. For a moment, nothing in the world existed besides the two of them. Nothing else mattered; The ghosts, the city, the ruins, the other killjoys. The whole world had stopped for Ghoul. Ghoul looked up, and the world continued spinning.

“It’s just a lot, you know? The desert, the fighting, everything. I hate it. But I hate Better Living more. And sometimes it gets too much.” Fun Ghoul said. Party nodded. He stood up and offered his hand to Ghoul, who accepted it and stood up. They walked towards Jet and Kobra, who were watching everything unfold.

“If you need anything, we’re always here. You know that right?” Jet Star said as they stopped in front of them. Ghoul wiped a hand over his nose and nodded.

“Yeah, we’re a family. We have to protect each other, physically and mentally,” Kobra Kid noted. This caused a small smile from Ghoul, and Jet to put his arm around him and pull him into another hug. Party and Kobra joined in, and the three of them squished Fun Ghoul in the middle of the desert for as long as he could bear it. Everything could wait. In that moment, they were the only things that mattered. Not Dracs, not Korse, and not rival groups of killjoys. Just Party Poison, Jet Star, Fun Ghoul, and Kobra Kid. Just their messed up family and the love they had for each other.

“I’m sorry, guys,” Ghoul said as the hug broke. The others looked confused. “I thought I could handle this myself. I didn’t mean to drag you halfway across the desert for me.”

Jet put his hands on Ghoul’s shoulders and looked him in the eye. “Don’t be sorry. Never be sorry. You didn’t ‘drag us across the desert’, we followed willingly. We chose to help, and we always will. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“He’s right, Ghoul. If you need anything, just tell us,” Party said. “Let’s head back to the diner, okay?” Ghoul nodded, and looked at his friends, waiting for their reply. Jet Star led the way, allowing Party to fall back. He picked up a rock and slipped it into Ghoul’s hand, just in case. He had seen how his friend held on to the fabric of the desert. Ghoul clenched his hand around the stone, acknowledging it and its importance. He had no need to hide these episodes, or what he thought of during them. Being a killjoy would always be a constant struggle, but not between everything. His life at Better Living didn’t matter to the rest of them. They just cared about Fun Ghoul. Not the past or the future, just the present. And even if that meant getting through all of Fun Ghoul’s flaws and mistakes, the Fabulous Killjoys would always be there.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Feedback is always appreciated!


End file.
